She Had A Name

You could sense her low self esteem in every step she took, similar to the walk of shame the pupil with the last position back in primary school walked. Seems like she lost all confidence in herself and don't even care anymore, not in a good way anyway. She had this dark oily skin that keeps her feeling inferior. She wore that make up she saw on the beauty commercial on TV. It was supposed to make her beautiful, but she couldn't feel it even if she was. Only her knows her ego has been hurt, others think she is a quiet and responsible lady. If only i wasn't so ugly... she thought. But she can't stand being alone and wild. At least she had the church even if she was that ugly. It was a home for pretense so it was easy for her to blend in since she's been doing it half of her life. Even the pretenders manage to get together with another pretender but hers turned out different. She would smile to the hope of going to church the next day because that's the only place she exchanged pleasantries apart from being in a family meeting. The school can't pack anymore hatred on sight. Looked down on like the woman with the issue of blood. Is the stories I read in these wild romance not inspired by real life imaginations? Or do writers hallucinate into an utopia when they write such beautiful tales. Might be like the pastor in the church, another source of hope. Starring at Emmanuel TV hoping for a miracle is the length she sought for hope. Eddie was the only guy who ever looked her way, they sat together coming home from school one rainy afternoon, one hour drive to town since their campus was in a village, one full hour of conversation with him was like heaven to her, that's the longest she's spoken to a guy who's not a relative. Could it be because others were sleeping? She wondered. Well it didn't matter because it was worth every bit. Things picked from there, and was all rosy but for some reason she didn't know, Eddie only visited her at night and leave very early in the morning, he always said he didn't like hanging out, so that was out of the picture, she made extra effort to look beautiful, took her bath like four times a day since she sweats a lot and bought one of the most expensive perfumes to suppress the odour that comes with the sweating. Maybe her constant gifts shower on him passed the wrong message to him, he now believed she is a rich kid, she is though but her monthly allowance couldn't do more than the small gifts she got him, but now he wants more. He wants her to buy him the latest phones and wears, she manage to trouble her uncle in London to send her a new phone and she gave it to him. Hotel rooms was the new trend and seeing it as a special treatment for her, she secretly takes their family bus for an evening interstate drive, she had made friends with the local agboro guys that helps her load the bus while she hides, when the bus is filled, she takes off. The passengers complain, a female driver isn't someone you have confidence in, since it's widely believed women aren't the best drivers, but she won't let that stop her, she drives, she drives to her destination just to maintain her romance with Eddie. That particular night, she had just finished her return trip, it was late already, driving out of the park, she noticed she had a flat tire just a short distance from the park, so she decided to change the tyres herself. Few minutes into changing the tires in the dark just with the camera flash of her phone, a group of boys passing through the road, first posed like they wanted to help, within the next twenty minutes, she has been raped and robbed. All her money and phone taken, she sat crying stranded lonely in the dark, Eddie wasn't close she thought. No help no aid. After an hour of crying, she figured help wasn't going to come, so she trekked, walking to the hotel she left Eddie, she had told him she will come back the next morning with money to renew and pay the bills. She never sleeps over, because her parents won't condone her sleeping outside the house. She always left Eddie alone in the hotel room over the nights, but this night, she can't go home. Although her father never notice the absence of the bus at night, he will in the morning, and since she didn't have a feasible explanation, she decided to go spend the night with Eddie instead. She couldn't call to tell him she was coming like Eddie instructed her to do always before coming. She didn't have her phone with her anymore, she just walked to the hotel, hoping Eddie would understand when she explained her ordeal. Getting to the hotel, she got the room and knocked, Eddie asked who it was, but after identifying herself, he went quiet. She continued knocking for a while standing with her sore feet from the long walk with traces of the tears that dried up on her face. She already caught a cold from the exposure to the cold night, sneezing and knocking hard on the door. Her patience was flipping to anger by the minute, she would easily assume Eddie was in there with another girl but she wouldn't jump into conclusions that will hurt her feelings still so she went down to the reception remembering she was the one who paid for the room herself and requested for a spare key. Eddie had noticed she walked away for a minute and tried to sneak his company away who had already started making trouble for the embarrassment Eddie put her in, still trying to convince his company to leave she came back with the spare key and saw Eddie begging the other girl to leave. She was lost for words staring at the beautiful girl Eddie was cheating on her with, her frustrated low self esteem had dropped low and she turned around to walk away in shame when the girl said something. She had heard say 'So Eddie, you want to send me away because of this thing? This ugly fat black sweaty girl?" She took two steps backward to the fastest flash back of her life. She remembered all she went through that night and how she got raped just to pay the bills of a grown man only for a girl he's been cheating with to call her names. Being a big girl she knew she was strong, the last time she had a fight in secondary school, she left the girl with a broken neck. She quickly grabbed the girl by her neck and smashed her head through the wooden door of the room she was standing by. The scuffle raised attention of other lodgers in the hotel and the hotel management who already called the police. She was being held by the hotel security for the police to arrive. One of the girl lodging in the hotel recognized her from school. A popular member if the Red Queens girls cult, she was impressed with what she did. She instantly saw her as a potential member of her cult and decided to do something about her being held. She immediately made a call and had the whole hotel covered with aggressive girls who forcefully took her away from the security men holding her before the police could come. Eddie was the only one arrested and the wounded girl rushed to the hospital. She was taken to a house where she narrated her experience that night to her new friends, the next morning, they helped fix the car and take it home even before her dad woke up to find out she took it out the previous night. The following week was the best week of her life, she for the first time in her life had friends who showed concern about her, she would hang and gist with them, they would introduce her to cute guys that treated her with respect just for the fact that she is their friend. She wanted that to last forever, she wanted to be their friend forever that was when she was told about the initiation. That would be the only way she would finally become one of them. She had heard tales of cultism and how initiation requires massive beating and blood oat. But she was willing to risk it all as far as it would make her feel loved and bless her with the gift of friendship. These girls saw beyond her short comings and ugliness, what worse could happen? It's not like it's a males cult where they get to fight wars and kill themselves, this one had just fun on the menu, and she even had the money for it. And she knew she was stronger than half of the girls on the team and since they could survive the initiation, she would too. So she made up her mind to join. She made up her mind to be a Red Queen. The weekend of her initiation came, a Friday night, full moon thick forest, everyone was on black outfits with red beret except her, she wasn't a member yet, so she couldn't wear it. Her face was covered in the hotel room and was uncovered in the thick forest. After being asked a few questions, her eyes were covered again and the initiation beating commenced, all girls at first until later, she started hearing male voices. This development scared her, it was supposed to be an all girls cult, but she couldn't ask questions. She didn't know it's was such a cold night  until she was stripped naked. The gang leader made a speech she couldn't get well, but it was something about her being beaten and raped by four boys from their counterpart male cult "The vultures." This was supposed to make her fearless even in the face of possible rapists, because as it's widely believed, you are only scared of what you haven't experienced. The essence of the whole beating and rape is to prepare her for her worst fears. Within the next two hours, she didn't feel the love she initially felt, she had thought it would be easier than this. Other girls being initiated with her cried and screamed, but she was quiet, she was quiet because it wasn't the first time. From her past experience she learnt screaming wouldn't stop what was happening. Screaming only stops someone with a conscience, but for an animal, it only shoots up his libido and activates his hormones the more, the struggle excites them to do more but playing dead actually turns them off. But she wasn't even playing dead, she was actually dying. One of the kicks to her stomach ruptured her internal organ and she was bleeding even from the nose and mouth. But since it was dark, nobody noticed. She didn't wanna talk because she didn't know what was happening, she believed it was one of the pains that's will subside later after the beating stops. But she gradually turned cold and started blacking out. She couldn't breath fine, she wanted to talk then but it was too late, she had no drop of energy left, she was motionless while her life flashed in her eye. She even had flashes of what happened before she was born. She saw how he had forced himself on her mother who was the house help then, and how her step mom always beat up her mom then because she got pregnant by her husband. She saw how her mom abandoned her with her father and step mom and ran off after she was born. She saw how her step mom always maltreated her when she was growing up. She saw how her siblings had better priviledges and attended better schools because their mother was the wife to her father. She saw how she was ugly because her mother was ugly and her siblings finer because their mother was fine. She saw how she was made to be a house help in her own father's house. She saw how she was growing up without friends because her step mom never allowed her out or even have friends over. She saw how she found it hard to be loved, in fact how she was never loved. She saw how she fell for Eddie and how Eddie hurt her bad, she saw how she struggled to make him happy. She saw how she was robbed and raped. She saw how she fought in a hotel and was almost arrested. She saw how she met these bad girl and how they beat her to death. She saw her life and saw no joy, she was sad and lifeless on the ground and her friends hadn't even noticed she was dead. She was dead and dead to life, and even in the after life, she was dead to it. She lived and died unnoticed but she had a name. 

She had a name 

Withdrawn to shame 

And if again 

She tries to gain 

The Joy of pain

It can't sustain 

Within her veins 

It stays the same 

No comfort, not a grain 

Tales of sorrow within her brains 

The tragic plains 

Of emotion games 

Was hers to claim 

Her smiles was drained

Her Joy was tamed 

And when it rains 

It's her tears to blame 

The opposite of fame 

Defines her frame 

The lonely lane 

She walks in vain

She's sadly sane 

To a world insane 

And when it came 

For her to reign 

The sadness crane 

Awoke her Cain 

Igniting disdain 

Her coup de main 

But she has a name 

She had a name 

A tragic name 

Her name was pain 

-Misunderstood Nerd | The Vyrus