Till Death Do Us Part

How did I get here? How did we get here. From writing love notes without thinking to loading guns without thinking, funny fact is it's to be delivered to the same person. Living a big house I can't even afford, two bedroom flat and a huge kitchen. She was the reason why I had to install an air conditioner in the kitchen. Who does that? Who installs air conditioner in a kitchen? One in the room, one In the sitting room and then in the kitchen. It's not like I earn much, well some of her money was involved, just some. Doesn't mean anything still. I would have been living in my self contained room and still have enough money to buy a car. But she wanted a bigger house, she wanted a bigger house not me. Now she left me all alone in the bigger house that I don't even want. That's not even the issue. I won't even talk about how much I loved her, I will tell you a story to prove all that. Is it even a story? Is it right to call what happened to me a story? You use the word story when lies are involved like "hunny I will never leave you" that's when you reply "story". Because they always leave. The part I don't understand is after changing your life from what you wanted it to be and how you wanted it to stay to what they want it to be, they still leave. Like who are they leaving you it for? You dont even like what you have become for them and certainly not the next person will. Or are we on earth to keep changing to suit whoever claims they love us and we being emotionally handicapped or so vulnerable will now follow suit. I don't even know how to regret. I always read about men beating up their wives and boys pouring acid on girls and what have you. I always thought that was inhuman and too extreme, who knew I will ever be gripping a 44 Magnum and thinking of how to squeeze it in the face of the lady I once called my all and all. This life is a pot of beans an imbecile cooked. All my life I will be on drugs to stop this illness from switching to Aids. I didn't even have a single doubt we will be together forever. That night she suggested a skin dive, I bought the idea, I knew she had HIV and since we already planned on getting married, I can't be using condoms on my wife forever. I loved her that much, I didn't mind to be on drugs all my life. My boys will always warn me, she will leave you one day but they didn't know about her illness, they didn't know she was positive. It was our little secret so I even decided to be eternally part of that secret. Who knew antiretroviral therapy centres are also a place for date hook ups. Just a day that I didn't go with her, that politician with all his money swooped like an eagle and picked her up. I wonder what he said to her within a few hours that made her walk away from what we had for seven years. Seven blessed years! It still baffles me. But that is left for her to worry about in the afterlife, today I'm walking into that supermarket of hers and paying her back in her own coins. Jail will have more company than this big room. A death sentence will be a huge favour still. The pastor don't need to tell us before we know it's till death do us part.