BRO CODE

BRO CODE

 (as revised by The Vyrus for Naija boys)

A bro shall only be considered a bro if he lives by the bro code

A bro never learns how to be a bro, he just becomes a bro

You must always have your bro’s back. No exceptions.

During a bro's birthday party, bros shall never sing 'happy birthday to you' instead bros shall sing 'a jolly good fellow' for a fellow bro.

A bro will never give detail when describing a sexual encounter. Doing so will force your bro to imagine you naked and this is unforgivable.

You will always make excuses for a bros actions, no matter how obscene. All things done by a drunk bro must be forgiven. No exceptions.

A Bro shall stop whatever he's doing and watch Die Hard if it's on TV. 

If a bro’s girlfriend calls another bro and asks about a bros actions the previous night, (I.e. the bro claimed to be sleeping at a friend’s house) a bro will always claim that yes he was there and you may even claim he is still there. Studies show that 8 out of 10 bros will do this without thinking. The other 2 bros claimed he was still with them but unavailable to talk.

A bro will never allow another bro to drunk dial or txt a girl. No exceptions to this rule. When a bro is truly smashed and his girl calls, the phone will be confiscated until a sober state of mind is achieved.

A bro may proceed to make moves on another bro’s failed target (he got rejected) but only after asking permission first. If the bro declines your invitation to bust some moves, you must adhere to his wishes and find a new target.

A bro will always take care of a bro who is blacked out, throwing up, and incase parents or girlfriend call. If a bro’s parents demand he comes home immediately, one will immediately allow him to use a shower and whatever else is necessary to make sure a bro receives no enemy fire on the home front.

A bro will always tell a bro what he did when he was blacked out. No matter how bad.

A bro shall never date a bro's ex no matter what.

A bro must always maintain a safe physical distance from a bro’s girl, especially when drinking. Physical contact may only be made with a bro’s girl, when saying good bye. No exceptions.

A bro never makes eye-contact with another bro while eating a banana.

A bro never shows or tells a crazy chick where his fellow bro lives or stays, only that bro can subject himself to that grief.

A bro does not dare/challenge another bro to do anything they wouldn’t try them self. If the dare/challenge is turned down, the challenger must attempt it before ridicule is permitted.

Always respect a bro’s viewpoints about anything from politics to cars to religion. The only time a bro’s views do not matter is when they conflict with the bro code. If such a case should happen, the bro should be immediately evicted from the bro circle, until correctional actions have been made.

All things must be forgiven among bros, with the exception being your drunk bro feels up your girlfriend. This allows for an immediate punch to the face, but only after all other bros have been told and are gathered to watch the punishment. Before the blow is delivered, your drunk bro must have the situation explained to him. Because he is drunk, he will probably agree that he needs to be punched.

When a Bro wants to do something stupid, first you try to talk the Bro out of it. If they still want to do it, you film it.

A Bro will ALWAYS watch a movie narrated by Morgan Freeman.

If a Bro receives naked picture on his cell phone from a hot chick, his Bros are immediately entitled to view said picture even if he promised the chick not to show anybody.

Single Bros always try and sit with one seat between them in case any ladies come along that don’t have anywhere to sit

You should only ever make fun of a bro for minor things that don’t affect their physical attributes. Example, dam man you got really goofy shoes.  The exception is for something that doesn’t exist, example; making fun of your friend for having man-boobs when he clearly doesn’t.

A bro shall never make a decision about a ho when he is horny. He shall cum first before he makes such decision

A chick may be included in the bro code if she has proven herself worthy via general bro concession but may never be informed of the sacred rules of the bro code. A chick may be treated as a bro but never told of the rules.

Under no circumstances should a bro ever hit another bro in the genitals for any reason. EVER!

A bro will never let another bro drive drunk. Space must always be found or made for a drunk bro who needs to leave. If necessary, the theft of phone and keys shall be done for his own good. Exception: a designated group drunk driver exists, this bro has mastered the art of driving under the influence and has proven his worth

When executing a high five, a Bro is forbidden from intertwining fingers or grasping his Bro's hand.

If a bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when fully grown.

If a Bro asks another Bro to keep a secret, he shall take that secret to his grave. This is what makes them Bros, not chicks.

A bro is obligated as a bro to stay away from his bro's sister. But if need be, a bro shall gain approval from his bro to date the sister. Furthermore a bro must have real and honest feeling for a bro’s sister before making such attempt.

Bros don't speak French to one another.

A bro will always ask around before taking the last of anything. If a bro should ask you if its alright, unless the need is great or direct ownership is applied, you will let him have it. Common courtesy and the bro code go hand in hand.

If a Bro is driving ahead of another Bro, he is required to attempt to lose him in traffic as a joke.

A Bro shall not damage another Bros’ chances to score with a chick.

If a Bro discovers another Bro has forgotten to sign out of his Facebook/Twitter the Bro will sign out for him, but only after many many humiliating updates.

A Bro ALWAYS enhances another Bro’s job description when introducing him.

When trying to score a loose broad, a bro should never bad mouth or talk ill of another bro to get laid. In fact discussing another bro that also bangs the broad or also trying to score the broad is off limits.

If two Bros get into a heated argument over something and one says something out of line, the other shall not expect him to take it back or apologize, that’s what women do.

If bros share a house/flat/apartment, all bros are obligated to stay out for the evening if a fellow bro wants to entertain a woman.

A bro never uses the words YOLO or SWAG no matter what

A Bro never wears pink

A Bro never publicly reveals how many women he’s slept with, And never reveals how many women another Bro has slept with. Or mention the names of the women to any other women or none bros.

A bro will always verify another bro’s story when he is trying to score

A bro shall alert other bros if he finds out a ho is planning to take a bro down  

Bros don’t use umbrellas

If a bro finds his bro’s girlfriend repulsive, he shall not say anything until they have broken up

A bro will never make another bro look bad in front of a target girl. The wingman should swiftly punish any such attempts. Afterwards the bro who infringed upon this rule may be confronted by the whole circle of bros.

A bro never tells his age to a ho first, because no matter the age, bros are always older than hos 

If a bro is terrible at sports, excuses may be made, no matter how bad they are. Good bros will start to play worse so that their bro doesn’t look so bad.

A bro will never ever leave his bros without a ride. A bro may never be allowed to walk alone more than 2 blocks.

A bro never watches keeping up with the kardashians or Big brother Africa unless with his sisters

A bro shall never make another bro ashamed for hooking up with a girl. Even if she was truly nasty, a bro will make excuses for his bro. Example, “you were drunk so…”

Whether he cares about sports or not, a Bro cares about sports. A  Bro picks a team and supports them until his dying breath.

A bro will never ask for gas money for a ride unless he truly is hard up, or the ride exceeds the distance of 20 miles. When gas money for a ride is offered, it may be accepted. Use your own bro-judgment to determine if you should accept.

A bro never cries in front of anybody. If a bro has to cry, a bro should cry away from sight.

When a bro asks a bro what he thinks of his girlfriend or date, a bro is always required to give an honest answer. The phrase, “I’d bang her” is off limits.

A Bro is always psyched. Always. 

When a bro is showing his bro’s his new ride, he is always required to open the hood and showcase the contents. All bros present are required to admire the content, even if they know nothing about cars.

A bro shall never turn down free sex, unless the ho has a history of STD

A bro must always respect another bro’s car, house, and parents.

Bros never wear skinny jeans

When a bro pays for all the alcohol for an occasion himself, this must be made known to all present and made out to be the greatest feat ever observed in human history. A bro may skip out on kicking in for beer if he has done this recently.

When a Bro has a kid, his Bros become honourary uncles.

Bros don’t set other Bros up on blind dates. If a Bro does want to introduce a Bro to a girl, they must show the Bro photos and in no way dress up and over sell it.

A Bro always offers his Bros a drink when getting one for himself.

A Bro Never tickles another Bro.

Bros wear their pants, jeans, trousers, shorts etc, above their ass outside his home. Sagging is not allowed in public places for bros

A bro never licks his fingers, no matter how good the meal tastes

You must always do whatever is in your power to stop a bro from soiling himself with a poor looking girl. Unless the bro is able to stand up, look you in the eye, and articulate that he is to a decent extent sober. Then you are absolved of any responsibility.

Bro shall never put a ho before bros. The motto is 'bros over hos'

When your bro’s girlfriend inquires about his whereabouts you know nothing, always.

A bro never waves at a bro. If a bro isn't close enough for a handshake, a bro gives a thumb up not a wave.

A Bro always has a condom in his wallet.

If you catch your bro’s girl cheating you immediately tell your bro regardless of any possible shitstorm that may arise.

Bros do not ask for food in a bro's house, he goes to the kitchen and take food himself or make some.

A Bro never dances with his hands above his head.

Bros don't ask hos for anything in exchange of sex. Sex from bros to hos is absolutely free.

A bro is never to enter the kitchen as far as a ho is around to make a meal

A bro is obligated to share with other bros whenever he comes across a loose chic

A bro never shys away from a challenge, when a challenge is thrown, a bro takes it.

A bro cannot play any other game on a console apart from soccer as far as other bros are interested in playing also

When asked, "Do you need some help?" a Bro shall automatically respond, "I got it," whether or not he's actually got it.

A Bro never spell-checks.

Bros shall never sit down and watch a fellow bro wallow in a friendzone, bros must do whatever possible to get another bro out of a friendzone

A bro never calls a bro by his real name unless the bro doesn't have a nick name.

A bro never moans or scream during sex. He leaves that part for the hos

A bro shall never play slow songs in public. Never.

A bro shall never sleep off in a joint or a club even if his is the owner

When a Bro is with his Bros, he is not a vegetarian.

A bro is obligated to tell if he kisses the finest girl on the block

A bro shall never snap the finger of a girl during a handshake, that is for bros only

A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a girl fight. Furthermore, bros  DO NOT break up chick fights unless blood is drawn.

A bro shall never smile in his passport photograph

A bro never goes to another bro's party empty handed. A bro must bring a bottle of drink along

Bros don't cuddle.

A bro never smacks a bro on the butt, no matter how excited he is.

A Bro shall seek no revenge if he passes out around his Bros and wakes up to find marker all over his face.

A Bro only claims a fart after first accusing at least one other Bro.

When pulling up to a stoplight, a Bro lowers his window so that all might enjoy his music selection.

A bro shall not pass this post without liking it, commenting on it or sharing it for other bros to read

@TheVyrus