Early Morning Ramblings 10 :: Tales of Yesterday

And my sleep just like that has been cut short, I forgot today is a public holiday and moms will skip work. If I had known eh, I woulda called in sick since last night so she wouldn't pull legs from the bed like she did this morning, pushing me to go cut the grasses that are even shorter than Banky W's dreads. LOL. I heard its another sallah celebration eid-el-kabir, I just hope the Nigerians among the 2 million muslims in Mecca now don't come back with the Respiratory disease caused by a SARS-like virus, MERS coronavirus in Saudi now, Shit is deadly. MERS-CoV, acts like a cold virus and attacks d respiratory system, the U.S.-based Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has said. But symptoms, which include fever and a cough, are severe and can lead to pneumonia and kidney failure. Precise data are not available on d total number of people who have bin infected because it is difficult to tell how many get a mild form of the infection, or remain asymptomatic while infected. Altho many of the cases have occurred on d Arabian Peninsula, people have died of the infection elsewhere, including four European countries and Tunisia. Shit kills 50% of its victims super fast! Super fast baby we talking days or weeks. I just hope they don't bring that disease back to Nigeria. Me just dey my bed dey envy these muslims! How many celebration in a year sef? We get just Christmas and Easter, yet they won't let us rest. They will come and bomb us in our happy hours, I know today they will be littered all over the streets with their nicely tailored Kaftans and fat Mike Jordan sneakers.
Their men can dress for Africa and their ladies cover all parts of their body with no panties on, they cover up everything except the chief corner stone! All those robes are no hindrance to a quickie once the panties are left at home! Onye ka ha na aghogbu?? Kaii! I remember those days when polo was still a park not a mall...when every public holiday was beer carnival for enugu boys. With over 30 beer selling outlets fighting can never be avoided. Many brothers lost their lives to bottle stabs in Polo park o! I can recall at least five, and Nigerian police has no emergency response naa, talking of that, how can you call the police when there number is 080 bla bla bla... I don't even have my girlfriend's number of heart not to talk of the police which I know contrary to their claims isn't my friend!! And sometimes, those long emergency numbers, if you call it, it will be switched off or you may not even have airtime to call it. Isn't Nigeria old enough to get a toll free brief easy to remember emergency number? Nigerian Police shaa, To those niggas, you are guilty until proven innocent instead of innocent until proven guilty. S.A.R.S will shoot your legs whenever they run outta cuffs to cuff you simply so you won't run, crime or no crime, nkeahu agbasghii ha! That's why when these American gangsters try to say the are tougher than every other gangsters worldwide, I just smile and shake my head, phyno will say "onwebedi ihe ifuu". Do you know you can google American gangsters and see their names and pictures on wikipedia?? Who gives you such celebrity luxury in Nigeria?? Who? Anini, Derico and Osisi ka Nku them are myths now, nobody knows what they look like or their original tales! We just hear about their deeds which is different stories similar to that folklore of Nigeria VS India football match we all heard as kid where they scored us 99:1 and the single 1 goal we achieved was scored by Sam Okparaji before he died on the field instantly! Who remembers that story? Well anybody born in the 80s will definitely know that story. Anyway that is how we here about Nigerian Gangsters, back then when you are sentenced to death by firing squad and you are tied to a drum filled with sand and get shot by line up of soldiers while your family and the crowd watch! Who remembers those sad times? Imagine all those shits while American gangsters get sentenced to jail with healthy three full course meal and a clean cell, yet they think they are tougher. Do you know the crime you will commit to get jailed in Nigeria? Nah? You don't know? The crime is "I NO FOLLOW O", that crime? One of the deadliest crimes in this country, infact if you are not careful and your family isn't rich or fast to raise cash, you will await trial for 8 years just for committing 'I NO FOLLOW'! And there's no three course meal o, or a clean cell. As a matter of fact our prisons are over-crowded! Abeg American Gangsters are moi-moi to us! Which nigerian police officer knows anything about 'right to a fair hearing', 'right to a phone call' or 'he must be read his rights before arrest'? Who? Akuko! Do you know how many american gangsters got off on the case just because the officer who arrested him forgot to read him his rights? Many! They call it "getting of on technicality." Yeah! I think that's what its called. By reading rights they mean 'you are under arrest, you have the right to remain silent, because anything you say might be used against you in the court of law' that's it o! If during your arrest you are not told that, you can get off the charges on technicality. And they think they go through hell, get the fuck outta here! They are Aje-butters to us biko! Well we are improving nevertheless. At least the streets are safer, unlike those days in my junior class when my friends who lived in New Haven come to school and tell us stories of how their entire street was robbed and the armed robbers walked home safely! Walked o! Not drive! No lies! Anyone who stays in New haven can testify to this shit, between 2000 to 2003, new haven saw hell from armed robbers. Around Same period onitsha was booming with thieves that will cut off your hand if you carried a black nylon bag, regardless of the content of the bag, it was generally assumed its usually money! Just before the invasion of Bakassi and butchering of young men! Aluu 4 na moi-moi naa... Damn!! Nigeria was gangster biko! Very gangster! Blood have been spilled on our lands! Brutally! At times I wonder why Boko Haram came as such a surprise. Maybe because they are using bombs. Well, I guess what all these my rambling is trying to say is, nothing lasts forever, especially pain Boko Haram will one day be tales we tell our kids like our parents told us about the civil war. These muslims are enjoying in peace today celebrating their stuff, but if it were us, anyi achiri obi na aka... Well its not cuz we are dumb or don't know what to do, its because we are wiser, we are survivors, we use our heads and we have something to loose. Wars are between dumb people with nothing to loose while cold wars are between people who are smart and have something to loose. Since we can't have peace, let's at least try cold war naa... At least with that, people won't be dying like animals. Ndi ausa, as we are allowing y'all enjoy in peace please y'all shouldn't bomb nothing during our christmas o! Biko! I'm pleading. On this note *in mercy Johnson's Voice* I took my leave *grin*