TEN OFFICE RULES
10. Never walk
without a document -- People
with
documents look like hardworking
employees headed to important
meetings. People with nothing in
their hands look like they're
headed
for the cafeteria. People with a
newspaper in their hand look like
they're headed for the toilet.
Above
all, make sure you carry loads of
stuff home with you at night, thus
generating the false impression
that
you work longer hours than you
really do. 9. Use computers to
look
busy -- Any time you use a
computer, it looks like "work" to
the
casual observer. You can send
and
receive personal e-mail, chat and
have a blast without doing
anything
remotely related to work. These
aren't exactly the societal benefits
that the proponents of the
computer
revolution would like to talk
about,
but they're not bad either. When
you get caught by your boss --
and
you will get caught -- your best
defense is to claim you're
teaching
yourself to use new software,
thus
saving valuable training dollars. 8.
Messy desk -- only top
management can get away with a
clean desk. For the rest of us, it
looks
like we're not working hard
enough.
Build huge piles of documents
around your workspace. To the
observer, last year's work looks
the
same as today's work; it's volume
that counts. Pile them high and
wide.
If you know somebody is coming
to
your cubicle, bury the document
you'll need halfway down in an
existing stack and rummage for it
when he/she arrives. 7. Voice mail
--
Never answer your phone if you
have voice mail. People don't call
you just because they want to
give
you something for nothing -- they
call because they want YOU to do
work for THEM. That's no way to
live. Screen all your calls through
voice mail. If somebody leaves a
message for you and it sounds
like
impending work, respond during
lunch hour when you know
they're
not there -- it looks like you're
hardworking and conscientious
even
though you're being a devious
weasel. 6. Look impatient and
annoyed -- According to George
Costanza, one should also always
try
to look impatient and annoyed to
give off the impression that you're
always busy. 5. Leave the office
late
-- Always leave the office late,
especially when the boss is still
around. You could read
magazines
and storybooks that you always
wanted to read. Make sure you
walk
past the boss' room on your way
out. Send important e- mails at
unearthly hours (i.e. 9:35pm,
7:05am, etc.) and during public
holidays. 4. Creative sighing for
effect -- Sigh loudly when there
are
many people around, giving the
impression that you are under
extreme pressure. 3. Stacking
strategy -- It is not enough to pile
lots of documents on the table.
Put
lots of books on the floor, etc.
(thick
computer manuals are the best).
2.
Build vocabulary -- Read up on
some computer magazines and
pick
out all the jargon and new
products.
Use the phrases freely when in
conversation with bosses.
Remember, they don't have to
understand what you say, but you
sure sound impressive. 1. MOST
IMPORTANT -- DON'T forward
this to
your boss by mistake!
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