Managing a Broken Heart




Addiction, overly excitement/happiness, late night calls, pillow talks, constant sms/chats, long walks with long talks, public display of affection, risks taking, starring at photographs, ensuring each other’s happiness and what not. Yeah! I just defined being in love. It’s a wonderful thing, and good things don’t last forever. When obviously you feel all these in a relationship of any sort, mindless of the duration of the involvement, best believe when things go sour also mindless of the cause, serious emotional pains enrolls thus the famous word ‘heartbreak’.  Heartbreak like death is inevitable as a human being judging from the definition ‘overwhelming distress’.

Since its relatively unavoidable due to the modern dispensation where heartbreak is very prone due to the advancement in technology and development handing us stuffs like, the internet, phones, chat forums and what have you, making it hard on the side of romance for heartbreak to be less as spouses rather practice many but one true love in place of the ancient practice of one and only true love; I call this new practice ‘the modern true love’. its rather wise for one to learn how to handle such an inevitable situation of emotional suffering  which traditionally comes from losing a loved one maybe due to death, divorce, break up, betrayal, physical separation or romantic rejection . Heartbreak and its residue which is usually unhappiness, lack of trust, hate, regrets, pessimism, anger, pursuit of revenge and other physical effects  like excessive eating, drinking or smoking,  illness, sleep habit and others may last longer than it is meant to or heal faster. It all depends on how it was handled which all at the end of the day depends on you. So here is the crazy truth – You are in control of how much pain you will endure and how long it will take you to get over your heartache. This control is a good thing. A Renowned positive psychologist, Rick Snyder, extensively studied hope and control and concluded, “Control helps people maintain emotional well-being and deal effectively with life problems.” No matter if you’ve broken up from a long marriage or lost your first love, no matter how impossible it may seem – you can heal. Whether you are 20 or 60, life can still go on and it can be not only meaningful, but also better and brighter than before. This does not happen because you ‘wait’ for time to heal you, but rather because you’ve taken action to heal your broken heart.
Unfortunately, no easy fix is available for a broken heart. But these few steps can help you start enjoying life again — even if there is always a part of your heart that never feels quite the same. Usually you might have a little complications like:

What if I’m Still Deeply In Love With My Ex?
Losing a love is often like losing two people – your love and your best friend. When something newsworthy happens in your life, you may still instinctively think to call or text your ex to share the news. When you realize that you no longer have that privilege, the pain seeps in. The question then becomes – can or should you be friends with your ex after the break up? You can be friends with your ex; however, it is tricky to resolve so you need to be smart not to make a mistake, the process of healing gives you options you can go by instead of going back to being friends with your ex especially when him/her doesn’t deserve your friendship. Love and friendships don’t disappear overnight, but there is a way to handle yourself with your ex to minimize your pain (and even their pain) after you break-up. Most times its not that we are still in love with our ex, it might just be that we miss them which is normal.

What if We Still Work or Live Together? What if We Share Children?
You may still work together, share children together, or still even live together. These situations add obvious complications to a break-up, and they are addressed separately in Step to Heal. For the time being, you need to make one commitment to yourself: take care of your mental health. It is time to take some space for yourself mentally, even if it is not possible to do so physically. Yes, you may have to do deal with your ex physically, but you can resolve to start focusing inward and take care of your mental needs. When you have a mental distraction, physical interaction doesn’t really mean or affect you much.

Don't pretend you're OK.
 Spend time with friends, and share your grief and heartbreak. Force yourself to socialize — even if you don't want to. Make dates for lunch, dinner and hangout in the evening. Ask your friends to visit often for a brief chat, long talks, gossips or a couple of drinks. Stay distracted until you feel a lot better, and even then, it's good to keep a full social schedule.
Choose to forgive.
In order for us to forgive, we must understand what forgiveness really means. Forgiveness is the willingness to abandon one’s right to resentment, negative judgment, and indifferent behavior toward one who unjustly hurt us, while fostering the undeserved qualities of compassion, generosity, and even love toward him or her. We all have a right to be angry and a right to resentment, but we can abandon this privilege if we choose. We can offer someone (ourselves included) undeserving compassion and love. Recall the hurt by visualizing the event or the circumstance, Empathize with the offender and understand his or her point of view, Altruistic gift of forgiveness (This must be given freely and without self-interest), Commit yourself to forgive publicly, and Hold on to the forgiveness.
Learn something new.
 Get your brain to focus on developing a new skill. Learn how to drive or ride a motorcycle, how to repair your appliances or learn how to cook a new local dish maybe from a different tribe, like if you are Hausa, learn how to make an Ibo meal. Take a class that fills up your evenings or weekends. Remind yourself that "an old dog" can learn plenty of new tricks, and that life is filled with new surprises and experiences.
Write it down.
Keep a diary or journal, or maybe even try to write a book. You'd be amazed how writing helps you "talk" to yourself and sort out your feelings. Writing allows you to vent feelings of anger or sadness in a constructive way: You might even consider writing letters to the person you lost to help you clarify your emotions. At a later date, you'll be able to look back on what you've written and gain new insights into yourself by observing how you coped at this poignant time.
Connect with community.
You may feel alone, but there are loving and supportive networks out there for you. Most religious denominations have programs and get-togethers for people who need comfort. Visit old friends and relatives that least expect you to visit, the happiness you visitation gives them is usually quite refreshing.
Get outdoors.
Take a trip to the zoo, a fabulous park, waterfall or  beach. Let the majesty of nature help you understand the natural cycles of life and how we fit into this plan. Ideally, you should do this with a friend or relative, or even a group of friends like if you are still in school, you can go for other department’s parties and picnics. Being alone might be too tough. Your goal is to come back feeling refreshed.
Exercise.
 If you don't already have one, start an exercise routine that you'll find enjoyable: jogging, swimming, gym classes, walking for a mile every day. Getting yourself in good physical shape will release those stress toxins, and you'll be surprised by how quickly your mind comes along for the ride.
Get a pet.
 Consider getting a kitten or puppy. Animals may be a lot of work, but they give love better than just about anything else on earth. And they need you so much. If you have love to give, and no current takers, you can get a whole lot of affection, loyalty and kindness from a new animal in your life.
Fall in love again.
If you have lost your romantic partner, heed this old advice: Get back on that horse again. Don't force yourself to do so before you're ready; it may take a few years until you're emotionally ready for a new relationship. But no matter how long it takes, don’t restrain yourself on purpose, keep an open mind and free your heart and spirit, you need to realize that it's possible to meet another special someone. Remember, we're never too old to love, and love passionately, again.

By Nnagoziem TheVyrus Udensi

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